IT’S TOUGH BEING a picky eater. It’s bad enough that our childlike palate won’t allow us to experience the full wealth of the world’s offerings.
Then we have the collective judgement of the “I’ll eat anything, me” crowd to contend with if we dare refuse a side salad.
We didn’t choose to be this way, OK? We just ARE. If you can’t change us, you may as well accept us, and all that we have to deal with.
The constant explaining
There’s two avenues here. One is the texture angle: “See, onions TASTE grand, it’s just the TEXTURE.” The other is the simple rebuttal: “I just don’t.”
The panic when ordering at a restaurant
Should you tell the person serving you that you don’t want the coleslaw on the side, lest it accidentally touches your sandwich? Or do you say nothing and hope for the best? Arrrgh!
The shame of giving in and ordering what you really want
“The burger, with no onions or lettuce or tomato. Or mayonnaise.” “So a plain burger?” The word “plain” is so harsh. We prefer “minimal”.
The stealth tactics when food arrives with something you don’t want on it
Just load it all on to the side plate. Quickly, quietly, without making a scene.
“Are you finished?”
Yes. It may not appear that I am finished, due to the mountain of food left on my plate. But I am finished eating what I can bear to eat. And now I am ashamed of myself.
The challenge of dining at a friend’s or relative’s house
You can’t really get out of this one. You must accept this generous helping of cabbage from your aunt, and you’re going to have to eat at least three forkfuls of it.
People’s reactions
“What? Why wouldn’t you like MAYONNAISE?” Because it’s icky, duh.
The anxiety at the deli counter
The deli is a picky eater’s nightmare. There’s the “Butter or mayo?” and “Any salad?” questions, the fact that the same gloved hand will be touching sweetcorn and chicken,
and then the horror when the tub of cheese is littered with remnants of lettuce and onion. Is he going for the cheese with the onion in it? Nooooooo!
The loud cries of “I told you so”
When you try something new and like it. Alright, alright, it’s delicious! But stop looking so smug.
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